Is it important to have a shared value system with a potential mate?
There are values and ideals that each of us hold dear and therefore, it is ideal that your potential mate share those values you hold dear. They may be our Christian beliefs or our attitude toward the environment or the way we treat other people. These are values and ideals we strive to uphold in our daily lives. At PerfectMatch.com we identify Christian values and ideals that, when considered in the matching process, help create deep, intimate and long-term relationships. Often, when people say they have found their soul mate, what they are really saying is that they have found someone with whom they are totally comfortable. That comfort level often means that their most important values and ideals are respected by their partner.
Ask Dr. Schwartz
Q:
How can I get over my hesitancy to post a photo? I'm a very attractive, fit woman. However, I can't seem to bring myself to post a photo within my profile. I suppose I don't want anyone to know I'm "shopping" on the internet. But, pride goeth before a fall. I get contacted by very few people on this site. While I understand other member's need to know what I look like, I can't help thinking my words initially should be enough to get people interested. Thoughts?
A:
Unhappily, but truthfully, some men pick based on photos first, other data second. Women, on the other hand, don't do the same thing. We have a hard time understanding why some men only approach us solely based on our physical appearance. But often, that's the way it is, unless people meet through work or some place where they have a chance to get over their initial reactions and learn to care about each other over time.
These days, it's rare to meet someone in an ideal situation for a developing romance. All of us are on the web because we've run out of ways to meet a long-lasting love and handle a busy schedule. We've got to make a quick impression, so then we have the time to get to know each other in deeper ways. If you do post your picture, there's no doubt more men will be interested in you. They'll take the time to get to know more than just your surface appeal. And, it'll make this a much more effective site for you.
However, if you can't bear to post it just yet, then utilize Perfectmatch.com's unique member tool and search yourself. Contact men who appeal to you. Tell them some good, positive things about yourself. If they're at all intrigued and want to begin a conversation, I'd send them (and you should communicate this) a picture immediately. Some men won't even read the email if it comes without a picture. You should think of sending one initially if you like the man's profile you're contacting. Or, you can wait and see who responds to your email and then send the picture. Use what makes you feel most comfortable and works best.
It's a little different, I know, to have a picture up which tells people you're looking for love. But remember, this is your life we're talking about here. Besides, it's so common these days, no one thinks much of it. If someone you happen to know sees your picture on our site, it's because they are also trying to find someone and probably have a picture up, too. While your thoughts and intelligence will keep your real love long-lasting, your picture just might be the invite he was looking for!
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